Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
