I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
