3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
