More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
