woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
