I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
