I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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