Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
