1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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