Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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