blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
