Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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