It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
