if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
