She's JV to your varsity
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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