I cannot find my penis.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
