You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
