haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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