my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
