if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
