She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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