so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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