OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
organizing the empties. That sober.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
