Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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