I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even my farts smell like vagina
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
