call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
