Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
