i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
