..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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