y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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