WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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