This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
