the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were trust falling into bushes
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
