I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
