highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
