1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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