pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
well you can't waste a boner
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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