Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
