Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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