strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
