No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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