i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
