Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
