It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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