so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
