Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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