he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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