It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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