She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
