remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
