If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Couch. On fire.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
